Drew.

Drew is one of my brother’s best friends. We think. No one is quite sure how this union came about or what compels it to continue. What we do know…is that there is only one Drewbert. Drew’s actual height is 6’1.

Stable job +2
As a pizza relocation specialist -2
Punctual (no one likes a late pizza) +1
Dream woman is Lindsey Lohan -1
Owns a north face jacket +1
In bright orange -1
Is proud of this bright orange jacket -2
Obsessively needy of his heterosexual life partners…sometimes calling more than 5 times in 5 minutes -1
Has lent his name to many adjectives…including but not limited to: “drew”tastic, “drew”saster, “drew”nominal, “drew”tarded, and “drew”chebag, -3
Thinks of tie dye as fashionable -1
Poses as a raging anti-semitic -1
Actually loves Jews +1
Pity inches for being stood up while getting picked up from jail +2

Careful ladies…don’t be swayed by his stature, good looks, and charm. At a datable height of 5’8 this is one drewsaster you might want to avoid.